The First Date
by Zara Stoneley

My Rating:

Favorite Quotes:

I go out looking for men, but I just find wankers and bell-ends.

He has missed birthdays, holidays and even Christmas on one memorable occasion – memorable because I have never heard my mum scream so loud or threaten to cut off his goolies and hang them from the highest branches of the tree. Quite honestly, at eight years old this held a morbid fascination and I did wonder what colour string she’d use and if she’d drape tinsel round them.

He chuckles, and it’s a rich, chocolatey sound that makes me squeeze my hands together, hunch my shoulders and want to rush round in circles laughing like an excited cartoon princess.

This could be like agreeing to enter a shark cage just because you want to look at the pretty penguins that they’re about to eat.

I really could have grabbed Noah and kissed him. As in totally snogged his face off. Tonsils, tongues and tits as my mate at school used to say when we were young and hormonally challenged.

…come on get a move on we’ve only got two hours and three minutes to get you defuzzed and looking completely au-naturel. And we all know that takes bloody ages! Can’t you just go for tarty and high-maintenance? I can achieve that in half an hour flat.

My Review:

I always enjoy losing myself to Zara Stoneley’s giggle-snort and smirk-worthy levity, wry wit, and endearingly awkward and quirky characters who tend to be more than a bit chipped, frayed, or fully cracked. This cleverly penned, maddeningly paced, slowly evolving, and highly amusing tale appeared to be a hybrid of women’s fiction, romantic/comedy, family drama, and slow-burn romance. I adore Ms. Stoneley’s comedically descriptive, multi-faceted, and well-nuanced writing style; she entertains while requiring me to expend a bit of effort to get there, which flavors that HEA all the sweeter.

And I picked up a naughty little entry for my Brit Word List with bell-end – which appears to be vulgar British slang for the end of the penis as well as a contemptible or foolish person. Like Rosie’s friend Bea, I’ve swum in that dating pool as well 😉

 The Gin Lover’s Guide to Dating
by Nina Kaye

My Rating:

Favorite Quotes:

By the time she’s done, I’ve only heard, and taken in, a fraction of what she’s said. But I have developed, in my head, a full technicolour adaptation of how, given the chance, I would inflict the slowest and most painful death possible upon her. This beast needs to be slain.

‘She is clever. With Aaron she is like butter that would not spread.’ ‘You mean melt.’ … ‘She is a real jacket and hype.’ ‘You mean Jekyll and Hyde!’

I don’t have time for men in my life… My rule is to enjoy looking, but not to touch. They never turn out to be as good as the fantasy anyway.

‘So, you are older. This is good. You can teach him. You can be his puma… You know.’ Reyes searches for the explanation. ‘The older woman who takes a young hombre.’ ‘The word you’re looking for is cougar,’ I say flatly.

‘You are not over this hill.’ Reyes swipes her hand through the air, causing me to instinctively duck. ‘You are only thirty-one. This world is still your oyster sauce.’ ‘Oyster,’ I correct her. ‘It’s just oyster.’

My Review:

This was a slowly developing character-driven novel of women’s fiction with random yet frequent sparkles of amusing levity. I initially struggled with this one as I had difficulty working up much empathy for the main character as Liv came off as snobbish and just far too over-served with her own self-importance. Her goals were serious yet she lived a frivolous and shallow life while contemptuous of anything that appeared beneath her desired standing – Liv was not someone whom I would enjoy sharing my air. But I felt her devastation and inner turmoil and understood her issues once her history was revealed.

The secondary characters were an entertaining and interesting collection of likable personalities and the impetus of most of the humorous content with malaprops from an adorable English as a second language speaker. And the character’s surreptitious blog posts were beyond clever with tasty gin pairings that I was eager to replicate and consume. However, I nearly spluttered my Tom Collins at the idea of Liv waking up and discovering her new blog had amassed over twelve thousand subscribers without effort, that and her expectation to make serious coin from said blog. I laughed and laughed…

I stumbled upon a fun addition to my British Isles word list while enjoying this highly fictional account – with stonker, which is something that is large or impressive. I had a stonker of a bill for bar supplies after reading this thirst-inducing missive.

.

The Perfect Couple
by Jackie Kabler

My Rating:

Favorite Quotes:

In the hallway, a plaster statue of Jesus, arms outstretched, greeted visitors, while the rest of the house was dominated by paintings and figurines depicting the Madonna and Child, Saint Bernadette (‘patron saint of illness’, Danny had hissed, one eyebrow raised, as he’d given me the tour), Saint Jude (‘he’s for desperate causes’) and Saint Clare (‘eye diseases. And, weirdly, patron saint of laundry and television,’ he’d said). Wildly sceptical, I’d googled Saint Clare at the first available opportunity, only to find out he’d been absolutely right. Laundry? Why did laundry need a patron saint?

They’re complicated sometimes, family relationships, aren’t they? Love and hate, hate and love, so tightly entwined that they almost become one.

DS Clarke was looking at me with a new interest, the gentleness I’d seen in his eyes previously replaced with something more piercing, as if I was a fascinating exhibit in a museum.

Karma, I thought yet again. The number of times I’d been part of a press pack, staking out the home of a politician or a paedophile, desperate to get that shot, that interview. I’d barely given a thought to how awful it must be for those trapped inside their homes. Well, I knew now, didn’t I?

My Review:

This tale had me chewing on my lips and wanting to pull my own hair, it was cunning, deviously clever, and maddeningly paced. I devised numerous wild and far-fetched theories and while partly correct, I hadn’t worked it all out as this plot was so twisty I doubt anybody could have and dare anyone to claim they had. The little pea in my brain was scorched from the effort and during the big reveal I wanted to shout at the idiocy of the main character, but I’m not sure how I feel about the conclusion other than brain bruised and distressed. Several of these characters were chillingly abhorrent and I despised the nearsighted and mono-focus of the police. Oh the sheer guile and artifice of this crafty author, Jackie Kabler is a full-blown trickster who ruthlessly tipped her own special blend of itching powder into my gray matter.

My Greek Island Summer
by Mandy Baggot

My Rating:

Favorite Quotes:

He could imagine the raised eyes in the village… the not-so-whispered gossip of the village’s president like a rally bullhorn. Greek men didn’t get left like that. Greek men absolutely never got left for a woman… if it didn’t happen in mythology it didn’t exist.

Are you a prostitute? You know, not one of those ones who stand on street corners wearing clothes that look like the 1980s threw up all over them. I mean one of the ones who suck off politicians and pop stars in classy hotels… Oh my God! I guessed it right, didn’t I?! Well, you’re a dark horse. I didn’t really have you pegged for that when you said you hadn’t ever had sex in a plane toilet.

‘The army?’ Petra said, screwing up her face as if ‘the army’ was gone-off chicken no longer fit for human consumption. ‘To be honest the sex trade was more believable. What are you? A captain or something? Sitting behind a desk all day planning assaults?’

Only me. My mother will tell you that as I was ten pounds in weight and it felt like she was evacuating a watermelon. There was no way she was going to repeat the experience… You laugh at me? Being a child on my own growing up. No one to play with because my head was too large?… You are now thinking of me with a watermelon for a head, are you not?

My Review:

At five-hundred-twenty-eight pages, this slowly developing story was cleverly interwoven with humorous yet emotive subplots and secondary story threads that provided vibrant strokes of color and a great deal of texture to the uniquely quirky and oddly captivating characters. I was pleasantly surprised how all the sneakily placed little tidbits skillfully merged together at the end for my highly prized HEA. I smirked, giggle-snorted, and gasped my way through this gastronomical delight, which teased and taunted my various appetites and was rather destructive to my dieting efforts – but any excuse will do 😉

Facebook

Twitter

Follow Aria

Website: www.ariafiction.com

Twitter: @aria_fiction

Facebook: @ariafiction

Instagram: @ariafiction

.

Clover Cottage
(Love Heart Lane #3)
by Christie Barlow

A page-turning new cozy novel in the bestselling Love Heart Lane series – perfect for fans of Katie Fforde, Phillipa Ashley, and Milly Johnson!

Love Heart Lane – where friends are there for you no matter what.

When Vet Rory Scott inherits ramshackle Clover Cottage in the quaint village of Heartcross, Allie MacDonald just knows this is their happy ever after. A place to call home with the man she loves – it’s her dream come true!

Until Rory drops a bombshell. He loves Allie but he has dreams of his own to follow – to live and work in Africa. Clover Cottage will have to wait just a little longer…

Allie can’t imagine life without Rory, but she loves him too much to hold him back. And as he embarks on his adventure, Allie begins to rethink her own plans. She loves Rory and knows she wants him in her life, but maybe she can follow her own dreams too?

And always there, nestled in the beautiful village of Heartcross, surrounded by the people she loves, will be the place that will always bring them back to each other. Their forever home, Clover Cottage.

My Rating:

Favorite Quotes:

‘Check my teeth,’ she said, slightly panicking. Rory’s eyebrows shot up as Allie clenched her teeth together and prised her lips open wide in some sort of weird twisty grimace. ‘What are you doing, you absolute loon? You look like some sort of constipated chimpanzee,’ said Rory, his eyes drawn towards Allie’s mouth. ‘Not that in the whole of my career have I ever had the pleasure of treating any constipated chimpanzees.’

‘A reality show –like the Kardashians?’ asked Isla, sitting up, knowing that brain-numbing TV was a must at her time of life. ‘More like the Karcrashions…’

My Review:

I’m was a bit slow on the uptake but I’ve caught on to the fact that Christie Barlow excels in writing about appreciably flawed yet well-meaning couples in flux, or amid critical transitions, and/or brain-slapping wake-up calls. And with this in mind, Clover Cottage was definitely on-trend.

Throughout most of the story, the main character of Allie was rigidly in her mindset of establishing a home and family and forever living in her small little village with her boyfriend Rory without ever venturing far from their little hamlet’s boundaries. Whereas, Rory had other long-held dreams and aspirations as well as a significant case wanderlust. While it wasn’t tense conflict, their differences were rising to the surface and placing them at odds with each other, in addition to other real-world issues and emotional peaks and valleys intruding on their energies.

I was invested in the storylines and quite taken with the unexpected twists and intriguing surprises that popped in as subplots. I’m already eager to see what Ms. Barlow has in store for her next installment with hints of a possible snake in the grass with nefarious intentions shaking up the sleepy village. I adore Ms. Barlow’s unique and vibrant sparks of creativity and felt her conception of the precious little alpaca competing in a dog show as a “pacapoo” was ingenious, as was her heart-squeezing and thoughtful ‘jar of memories.’ Sigh. More, please.