Publisher: Fawkes Press, LLC (November 5, 2020)

Immortality’s a bitch.

Veronica is eternally fifty-one years old with a proclivity for problematic drinking. Like most hormonally challenged women negotiating the change of life, she is a hot mess. To retain her sanity, she attends weekly AA meetings and adheres to a strict diet of organic, locally-sourced, (mostly) cruelty-free human blood from the hospice facility where she works. Her life stopped being fun about a hundred years ago, right about the time her teenage daughter stole her soul and took off for California with a hot, older guy. These days, Veronica’s existence is just that – an existence, as flat and empty as her own non-reflection in the bathroom mirror.

When her estranged daughter contacts her via Facebook, Veronica learns that she has one chance to escape her eternal personal summer: she must find and apologize to every one of the people she’s turned into vampires in the last century. That is, if they’re still out there. With raging hormones and a ticking clock, Veronica embarks on a last-ditch road trip to regain her mortality, reclaim her humanity, and ultimately, die on her own terms.

My Rating:

Favorite Quotes:

 

I love bacon. I used to be a vegetarian, but I couldn’t give up the bacon. It’s like the gateway meat to a carnivorous lifestyle…

 

These photos are horrible. You need to work on that resting bitch face if you’re going to start posting selfies.

 

If there was ever a myth about vampires that truly bothered her, it was that they were dramatic, evil, universally untidy creatures. She prided herself in the clean and clinical nature with which she could suck a person dry without spilling a drop… The last thing she wanted was to splatter someone’s blood on her eighty-five-dollar yoga pants or even on her hospital scrubs. It was difficult to get out in the wash.

 

You’re young, but I’d like to let you in on a little secret. What gives life meaning is that one day it will be over. Which is exactly what makes being a vampire suck. It’s like that movie Groundhog Day, except there’s no Bill Murray and it never ends. Ever.

 

I knew I was different. I think my parents suspected as much and sent me off to one of those crazy camps where you are supposed to pray away the gay. At camp, two things happened. One, I met my first girlfriend, which was awesome, but I don’t think we prayed hard enough or something because we made out every chance we got.

 

My Review:

 

I rarely read paranormal tales as I am far too lazy for all that complicated world-building, but I’d read them on the regular if I could find crisply written and snappy ones like this. Forever 51 was a pure delight and full of sharp wit and clever snark from a fifty-one-year-old vampire trapped in perpetual menopause. The plot was unmatched in originality with curiously compelling storylines that amused and entertained while sucking me into a mysterious subculture that began to feel surprisingly real given the weirdness of the world we’ve been inhabiting during the last four years and especially the unholy, calamitous, and disastrous year of 2020. I will be ever so grateful to crack the spine on next year’s calendar.

 

I was unfailingly engaged and fascinated by the uncanny and keenly honed characters who were often dumpster fires and beyond peculiar yet were also intensely intriguing. I adored every well-chosen word of this oddly captivating, surreal, and dynamic missive. Pamela Skjolsvik is the bomb-diggity. I think I just might be besotted with her mad skills and covet her delectable and snarkalicious word voodoo.