Diary of an Adorable Fat Girl

 The Complete, Full-length Novel

by Bernice Bloom

Goodreads

 Amazon US /  UK 

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Mary Brown is funny, gorgeous and bonkers. She’s also about six stone overweight. When she realizes she can’t cross her legs, has trouble bending over to tie her shoelaces without wheezing like an elderly chain-smoker, and discovers that even her hands and feet look fat, it’s time to take action. But what action? She’s tried every diet under the sun.

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This is the hysterical story of what happens when Mary joins ‘Fat Club’ where she meets a cast of funny characters and one particular man who catches her eye.

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The story is laugh-out-loud funny and will resonate with anyone who has dieted, tried to keep up with any sort of exercise programme or spent 10 minutes in a changing room trying to extricate herself from a way-too-small garment that she ambitiously tried on and is now completely stuck in.

Bernice Bloom is the big, new name in comedy writing…this is the first full-length novel after her series of laugh-out-loud mini books.

 

My Rating:

Favorite Quotes:

 

Sorry, it might sound like a horrible thing to say, but when I was sweet and pretty and slim, men opened doors. Now they take one look at me bulldozing my way down the street and think ‘well that one can clearly open the door herself – blimey she might take the whole thing off its hinges’… The day you can’t squeeze into your size 16 jeans is the day you learn to open doors for yourself.

 

I wanted the fish and chips like I’ve never wanted anything in my life before, but I reined myself in. I could easily nick some of Ted’s chips instead, everyone knows that the calories don’t count if they are contained in food nicked from someone else’s plate.

 

“This is the stupidest thing ever to happen to me in my whole, entire life.” I just shrugged. It wasn’t the stupidest thing to have happened to me that week, so I wasn’t in a position to comment.

 

Most beauticians think they’re scientists… And I was absolutely sure that every time they covered my face in something like mashed up beetle’s’ legs, sea moss and elephant’s semen that I’d emerge looking like Cameron Diaz. That was the thing about going to the beauticians – it was all about the hope.

 

Honestly, bringing out weighing scales at a Fat Club was like bringing out a hand grenade or a venomous snake. I noticed that Janice had physically recoiled from the sight of it.

 

My Review:

 

Originally written as three separate novella type installments for a six-part series, I giggle-snorted my way through this delightfully amusing yet insightfully written tale of a dramatic, Queen-Sized, Calamity Jane type named Mary. Mary was a trouble-magnet of the most unusual variety, yet she meant well, most of the time. Mary had acquired a weight problem following a vaguely referenced traumatic event in her teens, and while she had attempted and failed many diets, she was frustrated with herself and driven to join her first group-oriented approach, a group she called “Fat Club.” She made new friends with a few of the members and a special friend indeed with Ted, a sweet man whose kind heart was as large as his appetite. I enjoyed the premise, adored the quirky characters, and was highly entertained and charmed by Ms. Bloom’s observantly insightful, colorfully descriptive, and humorous writing style. Much to my merriment, Mary repeatedly found herself in the most unusual and comical of predicaments. The ending of this book felt rather abrupt until I realized the story had not concluded but had reached a satisfactory for-now stopping point in the middle of the series, as  three more installments remained. And between giggles, I fell upon a new addition for my Brit vocabulary list with “cack-handed” – which according to Urban Dictionary means “an awkward or inept way of doing something; originally meaning left-handed, stemming from cultures that use their right hand to eat and their left hand to wipe their behind.” I am eagerly looking forward to more cack-handed adventures as I already have Cruise with an Adorable Fat Girl waiting for me on my Kindle.   And, my apologies to any southpaws who may accidentally stumble upon this silly little review.

Author Bio –

Hello, my name is Bernice Bloom and I am a writer (I write light-hearted rom-com style novels and also work as a magazine journalist and advertising copywriter) and jewelry designer. My recent series of novels is called ‘Adorable Fat Girl’ and it features a heavily overweight woman called Mary Brown. She is bright, funny, friendly and bonkers. She’s also fat. The books blend the comedy of her efforts to lose weight with a more serious backstory about what happened to her in the past that had led to the issues that make her prone to over-eating. I’m fascinated that there are so few overweight heroines in literature. Women can be manipulative, evil, even murderers in fiction, but not fat! Certainly not fat and beautiful with loads of friends! Then along came Mary and she’s developed quite a fan base of people who love the fact that the heroine is large. She gets lots of letters and I have ended up taking her on lots of adventures!

Social Media Links –

https://www.facebook.com/BerniceBloombooks/

https://twitter.com/Bernice1Bloom

https://www.instagram.com/bernicebloomwriter/?hl=en

Giveaway 

Win a Daisy Bracelet and Earring set created by Bernice Bloom (Open Internationally).

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