by Jenn Hype
Forget apps, websites and singles events – clearly, the best way to meet a guy is to move in next door, accidentally assault him and then demand a job at his company.
If that kind of charm doesn’t totally knock him off his feet, the next step is to build an army. If possible, try to recruit those closest to the target, such as his mom, sisters, and closest friends. Sure, it sounds extreme and maybe a little bit crazy, but I’ve always subscribed to the old adage “No one worth having comes willingly.” Okay, I switched out some words there, but you get the point.
Caution: Even the most foolproof plans can have hiccups along the way. I’ve taken the liberty of compiling a list of things you should watch out for: Crazy ex-boyfriends who pop up out of nowhere like an evil Jack-in-the box; Women who think a strategic nip slip is effective at landing a boyfriend; Co-workers who think it’s hilarious to prank you at work and then upload the videos to social media.
Still have doubts? No worries. Let this professional show you how it’s done.
Simply Crazy (Jaded Series Book 1)
by Jenn Hype
US Link: http://a.co/bZBTlDB
UK Link: http://amzn.eu/1fqA0IA
Screw politeness. Life was too short to miss an opportunity to see CJ get spanked by his mom. “No, no, no,” I spoke up. “He doesn’t need to apologize. I’d much rather see him get a whoopin’.”
Don’t watch; you’ll want to lecture me about it and drinking coffee without a bucket full of sugar just isn’t possible for me. Which means I’ll end up just giving it up out of fear that you’ll find out one day and threaten to spank me in front of everyone. I don’t particularly like living my life in fear, or without caffeine. The combination makes for a dangerous level of exhaustion.
I’m not vain, but it’s a sad day when you find your first gray hair. And the worst part is it wasn’t on my head.
Do you know if all those rumors about prison are true? I was hoping he’d wind up being the bottom bitch of some burly guy named Theo who used to be a motorcycle gang leader.
Pity that the beautiful ones always seemed to have the ugliest personalities. The one before me was probably their evil queen.
You have to resort to raising your fist to a woman just to keep her around. Sad. Why is that, exactly? I’d assume it goes deeper than being a bad conversationalist or rancid morning breath.
Simply Crazy was a devilishly fun read. I smirked and giggled-snorted my way through this delightful tale. Written from a dual POV of a buttoned up returned vet who had not returned whole by any means, although he was slowly falling for his filterless and overbearing firecracker of a neighbor, a gal with a good heart and snarky tongue who couldn’t hold back a thought for any amount of money. Packed with clever humor, amusing inner musings, insightful observations, quirky and compelling characters, several threads of intrigue, and a few bits of delectable steamy goodness; I adored this amusing book start to finish. I was ecstatic to note this was the beginning of a new series; hopefully, there are additional mischievous tales already in the works.
×°× Excerpt ×°×
All Rights Reserved
She smiled but I only frowned deeper. Sure, I figured it was irritating how persistent I’d been around CJ. Hell, let’s call a spade a spade and just say I was totally obnoxious. I didn’t want him to hate me. I could live with him finding me extremely annoying or barely tolerable, but did he already dislike me so much that he’d go berserk? That just made me feel like crap.
“Stop that now. Frowning will give you wrinkles, and you’re much prettier when you smile.”
Rose’s attempt to cheer me up was sweet, and I tried to force a smile for her sake.
“Let’s just cut to the chase, shall we?” Rose said, sitting up straighter. “To my understanding, this is a working interview. I’m going to ask a favor of you, and in return I will offer you a guarantee that you’ll not only get the job, but you’ll keep it.”
That had me perking right up. “Oooh, I’m intrigued. Do go on.”
“The favor is that you keep doing what you’re doing. My son has always shown great restraint, but when he was younger, he would at least let himself enjoy life once in awhile. You can’t know how hard it is as his mother to see him walk around like a shell of the man he once was. Right now, all those pent up emotions might be surfacing as anger, but showing any emotion at all is progress in my opinion. If he gets too out of hand or if you’re concerned, you can just call me up.” Rose leveled a serious look at me and I squirmed in my seat. “But don’t be afraid of him. He’s all bark and no bite, I can promise you that. I raised that boy right, and he might say something in the heat of the moment, but he’d never lay a hand on you. And I can promise you that no matter how angry he might get at you, he won’t fire you if I tell him not to.”
“Well, cook a book.”
Rose’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“I was going to say fuck a duck, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate.”
Rose’s head fell back and she laughed heartily. Then she put her hand over mine on the table and looked at me eyes alive with mirth. “You’re going to be good for him. I just know it.”
Swallowing back an unexpected wave of emotion, I smiled and blushed under her praise.
For the next few minutes we did some conspiring. She gave me tips on some of CJ’s pet peeves, which would be great ammo for later.
“I’ll let his sisters in on the plan. They will be great resources for you,” she explained as she programmed their numbers into my phone.
By the time we parted, I no longer felt guilty for driving CJ crazy. How could I be when the excitement of my new secret spy mission had me practically bouncing with giddiness? Not only had I just landed a job, but I also no longer had to worry about my lack of filter around CJ biting me in the ass.
I rubbed my hands together evilly. Time to execute mission Make Momma Proud.
×°× Author Bio ×°×
What’s up world – I’m Jenn Hype.
Author, mother, wife, singer/songwriter, aspiring comedian – I wear many hats. Some of them fit, some of them look ridiculous, and all of them are fun. Life’s too short to take anything too seriously, so I don’t.
Sarcasm is my go-to, especially when it’s most inappropriate. Need someone to make an uncomfortable situation even more awkward? I’m the girl for the job.
I’m ridiculously A.D.D. and I own it. I have a serious addiction to ecards and the majority of my Pinterest account is dedicated to them. The key to my heart is glitter and caffeine – my needs are basic.
I’m a bookaholic and I crush hard on my book boyfriends and their authors. Some might call me obsessive, but I disagree. That word really doesn’t do justice to how crazy I get when it comes to something I’m passionate about. I’m not afraid to go fangirl on you, so don’t test me.
×°× Stalk Links ×°×
Jenn’s Hypsters (STREET TEAM)
Asylum for Hypermaniacs ( Reader Group)
Nameless (Reader Group with Jenn and Mary Frame)