Never The Bride
(Dilbury Village #1)
by Charlotte Fallowfield
Available to pre-order from Amazon now!
From Charlotte Fallowfield, bestselling rom-com author, comes Never The Bride – A laugh out loud romantic comedy novel full of heart-warming friendships, romance, and quintessential British humor – Coming 28th February 2017.
Abbie Carter felt doomed as she clutched her bouquet and started walking up the aisle. Again. She felt like she was stuck in some kind of Groundhog Day wedding nightmare. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Eight dresses, most of them hideous, were already stuffed in her attic space. She had more bridesmaid dresses than relationships. Was she really that unlucky in love? She despaired of ever finding her soul mate and was convinced that if she packed away dress thirteen in her attic, she’d never get to wear the coveted white one and have her happy ever after.
That was until she locked eyes with one of the handsome ushers, whose wink turned her elegant and well-practiced glide up the aisle into a flailing Bambi-on-ice spectacle. Miller Davis was the first man in forever to make her heart skip a beat, as well as her legs turn to jelly. And, for once, her interest in a man didn’t seem to be one-sided. It was just a shame that the Atlantic Ocean separated them. Abbie couldn’t even make a relationship with her elderly fat pooch, Sumo, work, so what chance did she have with a permanent New Yorker? Her best friend, Georgie, told her to ignore the miles that separated her from Miller and to go for it, saying that true love knew no bounds.
Was Abbie fated to always be the bridesmaid, or would her wish for the perfect day with the man of her dreams ever come true?
While Never The Bride will be a standalone story, it’s the first in the Dilbury Village series of romantic comedy novels. All of them will be set in the quaint fictitious English hamlet in the Shropshire countryside, but feature a different village couples’ story.
You’re the nightmare bridesmaid, the one who always hates the dress… you do have a face like a smacked arse each time you walk up the aisle in one of those monstrosities.
… not even for my closed casket funeral… I wouldn’t even want someone to have to try and dress my stiff body in this hideous creation. Seeing my naked corpse would be torture enough for the undertaker, let alone in this… this… I have no words, Georgie, that’s how bad it is… I look like I just threw up a family sized bag of Skittles all over myself.
You’re beautiful, Abbie, but lately your mouth has been in a permanent resting trout pout.
I swear I’m going to kill her. I’m going to push her over the edge of the building. I’m going to bottle Sumo’s farts and send it to her as a new designer perfume. I’m going to pop her over-inflated tits with one of Daphne’s knitting needles.
Like you youngsters have the monopoly on sexy bedroom shenanigans… That book injected a bit of passion back into our lives and led to David’s hip replacement operation being moved forward. They couldn’t understand how it had worn down so fast from his last X-ray.
Seconds later, her top set of dentures flew across the room and landed with a plop in Rachel’s glass of champagne… ‘Thank goodness it wasn’t a bottom burp. At my age, you’ve got no chance of keeping in a five-course meal. We could have had a whole Mr. Sumo shart situation if the wrong end had blown.’
Never the Bride was a pure delight and had me frequently giggle-snorting and barking loudly with gleeful mirth. I lost track of how many times I was forced to stop reading to catch my breath and wipe the copious tears of laughter from my eyes. Charlotte Fallowfield is a treasure and should have a monument of empty pens erected in her honor – posthaste! I have to admire and respect any author who writes herself into the story as a sexy vixen and purveyor of “salacious material.”
The storyline was ingenious, smartly written, and packed with captivating humor and vividly rendered antics. The writing was engaging and enticingly detailed with highly entertaining and exceedingly amusing descriptions. I adored every single word and mourned finishing. The characters were adorable, appealing, comical, and nothing short of endearing. I coveted the easy camaraderie between Abbie and Georgie, as well as their clever and witty banter. Abbie was a Calamity Jane type and prone to blurting out inappropriate comments and thoughts without realizing she was expressing them aloud. The narrative was also rife with encounters involving her toxically flatulent dog, Mr. Sumo. However, in addition to the comedy, there were themes of loss, love, and a recurring and particularly vile arch nemesis named Fi-Fi to contend with. I will be anxiously awaiting my return trip to Dilbury Village with the promised second installment later this year.
About the Author
Her alter-ego, C.J. Fallowfield is an Amazon #1 UK and international bestselling author of contemporary humorous erotic romance novels.
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